Don’t you come back now

I’m trying to fight off feelings that I felt a long time ago. But then again, I’m convinced that everything that I’ve done before will happen again. I’ve faltered but I will not break.

Thank god I’m seeing my psychiatrist & therapist this week.


Well Then…..

Just kidding on that Whole30 challenge thing…….jk you guys.

This time, I cannot say that I have completed the Whole30 challenge/reset. I’ve managed to do 21 days of (mostly) clean eating, according to their guidelines, but in the end….I broke enough rules to make me have a change of heart.

With this program, there are a lot of do nots.

No sugar: real added or artificial (so no honey, syrups or even Splenda)
No alcohol or tobacco
No grains: includes glutenous & non glutenous grains (good-bye rice & tortilla chips…)
No legumes or soy products
No dairy (of any kind)
No carrageenan, MSG or sulfites

But the real kicker was…

(P.S. – below is directly quoted from the Official whole30 program rules. I did not write the below, and I really don’t want to get in trouble for the below)

“Do not consume baked goods, junk foods, or treats with “approved” ingredients. Recreating or buying sweets, treats, and foods-with-no-brakes (even if the ingredients are technically compliant) is totally missing the point of the Whole30, and will compromise your life-changing results. These are the same foods that got you into health-trouble in the first place—and a pancake is still a pancake, even if it is made with coconut flour. Some specific foods that fall under this rule include: pancakes, waffles, bread, tortillas, biscuits, muffins, cupcakes, cookies, brownies, pizza crust, alternative flour pasta, cereal, or ice cream. No commercially-prepared chips (potato, tortilla, plantain, etc.) or French fries either.”

Yeah…..and this, unfortunately, got me into the most trouble.

So, before I really really read up, I went ahead and bought chips & such thinking I was being “compliant” and all, but once I read up on these rules, I cut them out. It was very bittersweet, but I managed to do it.

But then….one night while I was out at a brewery, I came to the dilema of whether or not I should by the tater tots with my lettuce tacos. I tried to tell myself “Don’t do it….” but then I convinced myself “Eh, what the hell….” and bought tater tots. I did feel a little guilty of doing this, but then as time went on…I bought tater tots (from the same food truck) again, and then on another day I convinced myself to eat fries that mistakingly came with my otherwise compliant meal.

This train of thought managed to make me convince myself that I would be good doing a mostly Whole30, but tonight, that train of thought caught up with me. If I have already broken the said rules of this challenge, then why should I bother to continue? In the end, I changed my heart & mind and end this crazy journey of a challenge tonight.

In the end, I cannot say that I did it (I did the Whole30!), but what I can say is

-I lost an insane amount of weight. I’ve lost 10 lbs while doing this, and have lost 20 lbs overall since I set a weight loss goal last year.

-I’ve learned a lot more about cooking. I made soup by myself, I made meatballs by myself, etc.

-I stuck with a challenge for longer that 10-ish days. When I signed up for cleanse plans before, I had only managed to make it about day 10 before I thought screw this. I managed to (mostly) stick with this for 21 days, which is quite an accomplishment in my opinion.

And now, with this behind me, I can really focus on the upcoming task of reintroducing food groups to see if I react well to them or don’t. This is where I have completely lost track before. But with the things that I have accomplished and learned about myself, what the hell is 3 more weeks gonna do to me?

I feel damn proud reflecting on this tonight.


Well…guess now’s a good time…

to officially share that I will…..


I did start on the 1st, but because I found out that the breakfast sausage I’ve been eating has cane sugar in it…’s back to day one for me tomorrow. 😦  i won’t let this get me down though.

I will try my darned hardest to document this journey on the blog.

Until next time,


You’re Killing Yourself

She’s skeptical of doctors…

She’s always been skeptical of doctors…

But now she has cancer.

She’s raised arguments and questions throughout her journey…

She’s gotten some of what she wants…

But she refuses to do chemotherapy to kill all of the cancer.


She doesn’t want to loose her hair and get really sick…

She thinks it won’t be effective on her…

And I think that’s crazy.

Every day she refuses to believe doctors means she is bringing herself closer to death every day.

That’s stupid….crazy…insane…..complete horse shit…