Ah….I may know what’s wrong now…

(CONTINUED FROM “DO I REALLY CRAVE NEGATIVITY?”)

So since that post…2 years have passed and one job have passed. Yes, I’ve graduated, got a job three months after…and that employment just ended/was just let go/separated/terminated/fired….youI get the picture.

So for the past week or so, I’ve been doing some reflecting. Some good, deep, hard reflecting (*shiftyimmatureeyeroll*) and I’ve come to another realization.

I’ve never been a self proclaimed “go-getter”.

I’ve never really tried hard to advocate for ideas. I’ve never quite grasped how to take initiative for things that I think of. I’ve just been letting other people run me. I’ve been letting others influence how I act, make decisions, do things….and that may be a big reason for why I’m in the situation that I’m in now.

And as to how it got this way…well I’ve found that in my 24+ years of existence, many decisions that I’ve made under my own willpower end up being wrong/bad decisions. I literally spilled this self-revelation yesterday, was told that it wasn’t the case, made a decision and then ended up following the decision that person I spilled to made for me (if any of that makes sense). This feeling that I’ve identified has been like a broken record for as long as I can remember…it just keeps happening again and again and again.

So, the question I’m posing to myself is…how in the hell can I fix all of this? How can I finally change this broken record of making decisions for me (because decision I make are wrong) into making good decisions for myself under my own power? I guess I’m gonna have to figure this out one way or another…….

(TO BE CONTINUED)

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