Ah….I may know what’s wrong now…

(CONTINUED FROM “DO I REALLY CRAVE NEGATIVITY?”)

So since that post…2 years have passed and one job have passed. Yes, I’ve graduated, got a job three months after…and that employment just ended/was just let go/separated/terminated/fired….youI get the picture.

So for the past week or so, I’ve been doing some reflecting. Some good, deep, hard reflecting (*shiftyimmatureeyeroll*) and I’ve come to another realization.

I’ve never been a self proclaimed “go-getter”.

I’ve never really tried hard to advocate for ideas. I’ve never quite grasped how to take initiative for things that I think of. I’ve just been letting other people run me. I’ve been letting others influence how I act, make decisions, do things….and that may be a big reason for why I’m in the situation that I’m in now.

And as to how it got this way…well I’ve found that in my 24+ years of existence, many decisions that I’ve made under my own willpower end up being wrong/bad decisions. I literally spilled this self-revelation yesterday, was told that it wasn’t the case, made a decision and then ended up following the decision that person I spilled to made for me (if any of that makes sense). This feeling that I’ve identified has been like a broken record for as long as I can remember…it just keeps happening again and again and again.

So, the question I’m posing to myself is…how in the hell can I fix all of this? How can I finally change this broken record of making decisions for me (because decision I make are wrong) into making good decisions for myself under my own power? I guess I’m gonna have to figure this out one way or another…….

(TO BE CONTINUED)

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Author: Firefly

Someone who has been trying to sort out her emotions for too long who also loves Cape Cod in the summer, Star Wars, randomness, Mother Mary, Atton Rand, international foods, London...........

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